I was asked recently by a rather cheeky rapscallion if all of my adventures always ended on a high note. "After all, Doctor", he stated challengingly, "all we ever hear about are your successes. Surely there is some detritus along the path trod by the great Mandragora." Well, seeing as how this pompous and self-assured brat was the eldest offspring of my most hated rival, I brushed him off and continued to mingle at the cocktail party which we were both in attendance.
I have often wondered at the origin of that particular designation for a party: a cocktail party. What a queer word. Now, due to the nature of the hosts and guests both at the cocktail parties I attend, it is almost assured that I'll leave the affair after having acquired a bit if both, if you know what I mean. But what of the general population? Not having engaged directly in the affairs of mortals for centuries, I really could not say what transpires at a cocktail party hosted by, say, Perez Hilton. All I know is that I would not want to go near either from that pudgy queen or anyone who would willingly associate with her, I don't mind telling you.
However, even with these amusing thoughts in my head, the words that were thrown at me at the party continued to echo within my mind. What of my failures? I rarely dredged them up from my memories and even more rarely spoke of them to anyone. After all, what was the point in remembering the times you were not up to a challenge and remembering the lives of those who trusted you, and yet you could not help?
There were a few, to be sure, that, for whatever reason, I failed throughout the millenia I've walked the earth. The one that was weighing on me that night was Narcissus, a very handsome Greek lad who I had befriended during my days amongst the Olympians. I'm not quite certain why it was he that was haunting me, but there you have it. We don't choose our spectres, do we? Well, unless your name is Lana Clarkson, but that didn't end well for anyone, did it?
Truth be told, this ended just as poorly.
I met Narcissus while he was still a freshly minted youth in the town of Pandosia. Since he was the son of the river god Cephisus, I had been asked to watch over him and make certain that he grew up to be a responsible man by Poseidon. To be honest, I was already growing somewhat weary of playing nursemaid to the sons of the Olympian gods and goddesses. True, they had allowed me onto Olympus to study with the masters of magic, but I felt I had more than repaid them already.
I accepted the job anyway and transported myself to Pandosia to observe Narcissus first so that I could get an idea of who he really was. I must admit that I was surprised to find not a spoiled and selfish demigod, but rather a very handsome and polite young man who seemed to have a deep desire to make everyone around him happy. During the two days I observed him, Narcissus helped the local butcher carry the carcasses of various animals to and from his shop, thereby ruining his clothes. He helped the town seamstress by letting her use him as a human clothes rack upon which she draped various garments that needed mending. He helped the town artificer fix a section of busted clay sewer pipe that had shattered and spewed human waste throughout a section of lower Pandosia. And finally, I watched as he stood watch at the city gate while the guardsman napped inside the tower cell. All in all, Narcissus spent his waking days doing things for others and never taking time to do something for himself. I had never seen anyone do so much and so unselfishly to please others.
My one satisfaction was that I never saw him help the town whore during her rounds at the bars, thank goodness. She practiced a form of contraception that required her clients to enter where there was no possibility of her getting pregnant, if you know what I mean, and I would not think that good for Narcissus. Not that his bottom wasn't well formed for that, mind you, but how would I explain that to the manly Cephisus. An awkward conversation that would be, to be sure.
On my third day in Pandosia, I introduced myself to the handsome Narcissus and explained to him why I was there. My role, I told him, was to be that of mentor and teacher, and the first lesson I needed him to learn was that there needs to be balance in all things. I explained that I had seen him toiling for everyone around him and never saw him do something for himself. Relationships, I explained, needed to be equal between both people, be it business, friendship, or love. One partner does not subjugate their own needs and desires to make the other happy.
Narcissus nodded and explained to me that he was accustomed to doing things for others because that is what his mother had wanted of him. She had drilled it into his head that he was to never think of himself since that would be selfish, but rather he was to make himself available for the others around him.
Now, far be it from me to question a parent's authority over her own child. I have always made an effort when conversing with a child to place the parent in the highest regard and in the brightest light. After all, how would I want to be represented by others to my child?
So I said, "Your mother is a nutjob." I could be subtle when I needed to be. "I need you to forget all of the nonsense she has filled your head with over the years, do you understand me? From now on, you take advice and direction from me." I thought I handled that rather delicately, don't you? I explained to the youth that he could not love another until he learned to love himself. He nodded and seemed to understand what I was saying.
I watched Narcissus through my Eye of Odin for the next couple of days and saw that he was progressing quite nicely. He began to either ask for a salary from the businesses he helped, or he would barter his assistance in exchange for something he could use, such as meat or an article of clothing. I was pleased with these first steps he took in seeing to his own needs, and so began to find other things to occupy my mind instead of monitoring him all day long. That was a fatal mistake on my part.
I later found out that those first steps led to other ones. Slowly but surely, Narcissus began to demand more and more from those around him until the balance he had attained began to shift again, only this time, he was the one getting all of the benefits from others. He began to demand free food from the butcher for all of the years of unpaid service. He began to demand that the people of the village leave him alone because they were unworthy of his presence. In short, Narcissus became quite full of himself.
And then the fateful day finally came.
I was walking through the market arm in arm with the luscious head of the city watch, Captain Marchesson, when my eyes were drawn to an ugly altercation in the street. I watched as a handsome youth approached Narcissus as he lounged idly on a park bench, knelt down one knee, and professed his eternal love for my ward. When Narcissus turned to look at his suitor, I caught a glimpse of his face. It was cold and hard, no love for anything other than himself shining through his eyes. I could tell that Narcissus' selflessness had disappeared completely, only the pendulum had swung too far. He was now filled with a powerful love of self.
Narcissus mocked the lovestruck young man in front of everyone and loudly proclaimed that no one was worthy of being his lover because he was perfect and beautiful and beyond the reach of mortal man. So saying, he rushed off, heading towards the city gates, his laughter echoing where he ran.
I took my leave of Marchesson and followed as swiftly as I could to find Narcissus. I was stunned at the abrupt change that had occurred in the formerly selfless young man in just a matter of days. His reaction and subsequent behavior was not normal, and I began to fear divine interference.
Using my Eye of Odin, I was swiftly able to track Narcissus down. He had fled into a wooded glen and was lying on his belly staring at his own reflection within a pool of water. Upon spying me standing there, he said, "Look at me, Magister. I'm absolutely gorgeous. How will I ever find someone more beautiful than I?"
I must admit that his words shocked me. I had never before heard someone say anything remotely similar.
"I am in love, Magister, do you know that? I am in love with the most beautiful man to walk the earth. Myself. I cannot even bear to stop looking at me! I will stay here at this pool until I can figure out a way to bring my reflection out to join me."
Within a day, Narcissus was dead. Not being able to bring the reflection out into the world, Narcissus chose to join it by plunging into the shallow pool and drowning.
When I reported back to Poseidon, I was surprised that he had a gleeful look upon his face, nor was he surprised when I explained what had happened.
"Ah, well, Magister Mandragora, we all fail sometimes. I wouldn't give this matter any further thought," the god suggested.
However, I did give the matter further thought. Upon digging around through the library of the three Fates, I discovered that there had been a prophecy regarding my former charge. Narcissus had been granted a long and fruitful life upon the condition that he "never get to know himself." Apparently Poseidon was aware of this prophecy and, to get at his rival deity the River God Cephisus, had used me to help the youth get to know himself. I had effectively sealed the boy's doom.
I had been used in one of the Olympian's power plays, and I was not happy.
It was then that I took my leave of the Olympic gods, refusing to have anything else to do with them. I later found out that Cephisus had demanded justice upon me, blaming me for his son's death. Of course, I held myself to blame for poor Narcissus' death as well, only I wasn't planning on returning to Olympus for judgement. I planned on doing what I could to atone for the death of my innocent charge.
I was going to return to the mortal world, and use my knowledge to aid mankind.
Excerpt from The Memoirs of Dr Mandragora: From the Maudlin to the Macabre
