During what I like to call my "Getting to Know You" phase, I spent quite a bit of time living in mortal villages and towns, rubbing elbows with both the rich and the working classes. My goal was to get an idea of what motivated mankind, figure out what he strove for in life, and understand what really made him tick. After all, spending so much time with the Olympians had left me with a rather warped sense of honor and motivation, and I was afraid that I had grown someone apart from humanity.
Now, it was always my intention to keep a low profile and not bring any attention to myself whatsoever. Those who are familiar with my adventures will attest to the fact that I am the very incarnation of discretion and subtlety. However, as seems to occur so often in my life, events transpired on occasion that forced me to take action, though I always strove to minimize my effect on humanity's development and history.
One such event occurred while I was living in the city of Dreblin. I was masquerading as a nobleman who was traveling and exploring the world before being forced into a politically expedient marriage by my ailing father who had been poisoned after being bitten by a poisonous asp. (I like to keep my cover stories simple; it gives the casual listener less reason to check into the truth of your tale.) Upon calling at the castle, I meet a very handsome young man named Prince Todd, the designated heir of the Kingdom. Well, because of my wit and tales of the lands beyond, I can truthfully say that Todd was intrigued by me and invited me to stay at the castle during my visit. Needless to say, I accepted the invitation forthwith. I mean, if my choices were to remain at some musty inn with straw filled mattresses or the well appointed guest quarters of Castle Flemion, the decision was an easy one to make. Besides, this also gave me a chance to get to know the beautiful Todd a bit more intimately.
Over the next few days, I spent virtually every waking moment with the young Prince. I don't think I would be far from the mark if I said he was quickly becoming enamored of me, and I certainly couldn't blame him. I had tales of far away and mystical places to regale him with, a fanciful and biting wit, and, not to put too fine a point on it, I was something of a looker back in the day. For Todd's part, he did everything he could to catch my eye. Everyday, his trousers got tighter and more form fitting while his tunics got shorter, to show off his tight bum and the neckline lower, which showed off more chest. Though I found his behavior somewhat amusing, I certainly was not going to complain.
Well, the day came when he decided that he wanted me to meet some of the nobles of the Kingdom and give them a chance to meet me as well. A ball was organized and invitations sent to all of the best families as well as the higher class merchants in the city. I was anxious to meet these people, in fact, since I had spent the majority of my time with the Prince. I really needed to meet other people if I was going to get a sense of mankind. As the day grew closer, I began to feel a bit apprehensive about the whole ball and couldn't shake the feeling that something sinister was afoot. Having no proof, though, I kept my uneasiness to myself and resolved to keep my eyes open for anything unusual.
I must admit that my dear Todd was certainly able to organize a lovely ball. The music, the decorations, and the food were all quite lovely. I did not have an opportunity to meet as any people as I had wanted since Todd had his arm locked with mine the entire evening. It was very sweet of him to parade me around like that, but it had the unfortunate side effect of limiting my chances of mingling with the crowd. I suspect Todd would have held on to me the entire evening if she had not appeared.
It was when Todd released my arm and took in a shocked breath that I realized something had happened. Standing at the top of the staircase was a young lady dressed in a blue gown and shiny glass slippers. Her blonde hair and wide eyes made her look quite beautiful and very innocent. I could see that every eye in the room was on this late arrival.
Without a word to me, Prince Todd hurried over to the young lady, bowed, and took her hand. He then proceeded to dance every dance with her, taking no time to continue speaking to his guests or spending any time with me. I must admit that I was slightly irritated at his behavior. After spending the last several nights in his bedroom and putting up with his games of horsey ( I could still feel the burn of the riding crop on my butt) as well as his aversion of personal hygiene coupled with his love of oral pleasures, I was surprised that he would be so willing to ignore me like that. Ah well. It was clear to me that my fairy tale romance was drawing to a close, so I decided to take my leave of the palace at once.
As I was walking towards the back exit, there was a sudden commotion that stopped me in my tracks. As the large castle clock began to chime the midnight hour, Todd's new girl pal began to run towards the main exit, the Prince hot on her heels. Now, that was most definitely an odd occurrence, and so I turned around and followed the crowd out behind Prince Todd. When I finally managed to reach him, the girl was nowhere to be found, but the Prince looked stricken as he held on to one of her shoes, a shoe that seemed to be made from glass.
Taking it from him, I examined the glass slipper with both my sight and my Sight, and recoiled at what I saw. What appeared to be a clear glass slipper to sight was in fact coated in writhing color; blue, deep purple, and black swirls of energy moved continually over the surface of the shoe. It was in fact not a real slipper, glass or otherwise, but rather was an enchantment, an enchantment whose purpose I could not yet determine.
Well, the love crazed Prince Todd snatched the slipper away from me and shouted for his personal guard. He was determined to find his lovely lynx if he had to force every young woman in the kingdom to try on the sour smelling shoe. (The lass obviously had not bathed before the ball.) Though I was feeling a bit disgruntled at having been brushed aside for the young blonde, I simply could not let the prince carry on with that enchanted shoe without my expertise to assist him. So, I joined the search party.
As we traveled from house to house, I was able to watch Prince Todd placed the shoe on women's feet. Or rather, attempt to place the shoe. I noticed that the enchantment on the slipper grew violently bright each time someone tried to put it on. The enchantment would force the foot away and no one was able to get it on. It was clear to me that the slipper would only allow one person to wear it; our frisky blonde girlie.
Unobserved by the royal guard, I began to nose about myself, using the signature from the shoe as a beacon, hoping that it would lead me to our young mystery lady. I followed the trail to a small but well maintained cottage on the very outskirts of the town. The very home itself seemed to throb with dark light, so I was very certain I was at the right place.
Before I could even knock, an aged and hideous old crone came around from the side of the house and gasped upon seeing me. She was wearing a blue hooded cloak over a light blue dress, her short white hair sticking out from the edge of the hood. As we stared at each other, I could feel waves of power coming from this odd character, power remarkably like that from the enchanted slipper.
I began to walk towards the old woman to find out who she was when she shrieked, "You shall not stop me, Wizard! My popkins WILL be princess!" And with that, she drew out a silver wand and pointed it at me. Needless to say, though I am somewhat of a sedentary soul, I found the speed and energy to jump to one side as a spear of blue-black energy sizzled through the air right next to me. I managed to block three more bursts of power with my enchanted walking stick, all the while walking closer and closer to the old woman.
As she screamed and cursed at me, the door opened and the blonde girl I had seen earlier at the palace exited the house. No longer dressed in finery, she looked tawdry, dirty, and unkempt. "Godmother!" she screamed, "what are you doing?"
With that interruption, the old woman looked away from me and towards the girl for a fraction of a moment, and I used that moment to my advantage. Pointing my stick at her, I unleashed a blast of purple lightning that struck the old woman in the chest. She fell to the ground, jerking and jiddering as I continued to pour my magic into her body. Finally with an ear shattering shriek, the old woman burst into flames and disappeared.
With her death, the neatly kept house disappeared as did the trees and plants surrounding it. All that was left was a sad looking wooden stoop and the young woman standing upon it. I was about to go and comfort the shaken young lady when I heard horses clopping closer to where we were standing. Accompanied by the jingling of tackle and bits, Prince Todd rode into view with his guard. Recognizing the young woman, he jumped down from his horse and rushed towards her with the slipper. I noticed that it no longer glowed with eldritch light.
Slipping the shoe onto her grubby and unwashed foot, Prince Todd carried the young woman, whose name apparently was Ella, back towards his horse, placed her in the saddle, and rode away.
I watched the group ride off in the direction of the palace as I stood alone by the edge of the road. It was now evident to me that the enchantment had already taken hold of the prince and forced him to fall in love with the young lady. I wasn't certain what would have happened had he placed the shoe on Ella's foot with the enchantment still in effect, but I was fairly sure it would not have been good.
I could easily have broken the spell that drew my beloved Todd to Ella, but I decided against it. After all, I could not stay here forever in Dreblin. My destiny existed outside this provincial town. Besides, my lifespan was immense compared to Todd's. No, it was better that he be happy with a wife rather than be unhappy and alone. The spell made him believe he was happy. As far as he knew, he was. There was no difference between being in love and feeling like he was in love. Isn't that was mankind strives for anyway?
And so, I called my things to me with a muttered spell, my black satchel appearing upon my shoulder, my cloak fluttering in the light wind. I considered Summoning a carriage to continue my travels but decided to walk for a bit instead. I looked back towards the palace just once before setting off and smiled. Mankind, it seemed, was going to be quite fascinating.
An excerpt from The Memoirs of Dr Mandragora: From the Maudlin to the Macabre
