At the suggestion of a friend of mine, the Thaumaturge Michael Scott, I made an appointment to meet up with a young man named Josh who had come to his attention. Michael spoke long and eloquently about Josh's wit and charm, and insisted I speak to him myself. I must admit that, at first, I was unwilling to even entertain the idea. Scott was well aware that I no longer take on apprentices, especially after the last incident where my castle basement was flooded with water due to a broom enchantment gone terribly wrong. I swear, I am still trying to get rid of the mold that sprouted up everywhere. Yet, Scott wouldn't let the matter lie.
It was for this reason that I, the immortal Dr Mandragora, found myself on a recent Sunday afternoon walking through a park in Oxford talking with Josh about his life. I am sure we turned a few heads that morning, me being dressed in my usual black long coat and silver vest and Josh dressed in a grey hoodie with jeans and white trainers. We made an unlikely pair. Handsome to be sure, the both of us, but unlikely.
"So tell me a bit about yourself, Josh," I said, as we meandered about the walking lanes.
Shrugging his shoulders a fraction of an inch, Josh laughed and answered, "What's to tell? I'm a lazy teenager who goes to school and hangs out with friends."
"Really?" I responded, "So then you have a lot of friends?"
"Well, I know a lot of people, but it's not like I have a million friends or anything. I like messing around and making people laugh, so I'm pretty popular."
I nodded at his words and continued, "Ah, you are one of those people." Being an ex-academican myself, I shudder at those that feel it necessary to call attention to themselves in a classroom setting. I was not impressed.
Josh frowned a bit at this and said, "I mess around in a good way, you know. I don't cause that much trouble. Even the teachers love me, especially those that have known me for a while. They know I work hard and try my best in everything at school, even the subjects I'm not really good at."
Well, I must admit that his statement certainly caught me off guard. I didn't say anything to him, but I liked what he was saying. Everyone needs to find balance in their lives. Josh admitted to messing about and having fun, yet was able to buckle down and give proper attention when it was required of him. He was funny and personable and so was popular amongst the other students in school, but he also recognized that this didn't make them his friends. Josh was able to make a distinction between casual friends and real friends. I found that to be quite wise and quite unusual in a young man.
"So then, Josh," I said, "you are funny, pretty good in school, and rather handsome. I suspect you have a lot of girls chasing after you." (Truth be told, I cringed inside after asking this question. It was a question adults often ask of the young when they don't know what else to say. So, do you have a boyfriend? So, I bet you're popular with the ladies? My, have tall you've grown. I couldn't believe I said it.)
Like most youths when faced with such a ridiculous question, Josh sort of shrugged uncomfortably and smiled at me. "Dunno," he said, "girls seem to like me, though that's a bit annoying, really."
We were approaching an area of the park that had a very odd sculpture seemingly carved from the trunk of an old tree. I really couldn't make heads or tails of it, to be honest, but there were a couple of lovely benches nearby, and so I gestured for Josh to take a seat next to me.
"You find the attention of the girls annoying?" I asked. "And why is that?"
Josh looked a bit nervous at this and seemed to glance around self-consciously. This was the first time I saw him less than relaxed and poised. "Umm, instead of having the girls hang around me, I'd much rather hang with their brothers."
I looked at the handsome young man sitting next to me for a second before what he said actually registered in my mind. "So, you are saying, you are more interested in the boys than the girls."
Josh nodded his head and smiled sheepishly. "You are actually the first person I've said that out loud and in person to."
"And how did it feel?"
Josh took a deep breath and said, "Dunno, sort of good, but a bit weird."
"Well, you know what the good book says, Josh. The truth shall make you pee, or something like that."
Josh laughed and nodded. "Or something like that."
I turned a bit to get a better look at Josh's face and asked, "So then, your dad doesn't know you are gay?"
Josh shook his head and his smile dropped just a bit. "No he doesn't. And I never want him to find out. I don't know how he'd react, and I don't really want to find out. He would think two boys doing it is disgusting."
I nodded and patted his shoulder. I knew where he was coming from. Though deep down we all know that our parents will always love us no matter what, it's always scary putting that knowledge to the test.
"So tell me more about Josh," I said, changing the subject. "What do you like to read."
"I don't like reading that much," he answered. "I think I might be a bit dyslexic because I just get bored and start skipping words, then lines, and then paragraphs." Laughing at himself, Josh continued, "To be honest, I don't really even read other people's blogs. The blogs I really like tend to not have a lot of words." Josh winked at me and smiled. I knew exactly what he meant.
"The book I read most recently is a book on French that I found in my sister Em's room. It's like a dictionary and phrases book to help you learn French."
"So then you are interested in learning French?" I asked. "Is there any particular reason?"
"Well, French just sounds soooo sexy, and French boys make me melt."
I laughed again at his honesty. I mean, let's be serious here, French boys are extremely hot. Of course, this was not to disparage English lads who could be just as sexy as the French. I mentioned Nicholas Hoult, who I find to be extremely sexy.
Josh nodded and said, "Yeah, there are some hot English actors. I like Ben Thompson who is in Coronation Street, not that I actually watch that."
I looked at Josh with my eyebrows raised, silently saying, "Oh, really?"
He laughed again and said, "No, honest, I don't watch it. Really! I also like Ste and Josh in Hollyoaks, and Carl from Shameless. I could name you names all night long, but here is a secret." Josh lowered his voice and leaned in a bit closer to me. "Sometimes when I am bored, I make a chart with a list of guys I think are sexy. Then at the top, I make a list of things I want to do with them, like wanking, sucking, and other stuff. Then, I give myself ten or twelve crosses and I go through the list and mark what I want to do with each one."
Josh laughed again, this time at his own story. "Oh my God, I sound so geeky."
I laughed too at what he said, but not because I thought he was silly, but because I had done the same thing when I was a teen. Not being out to my family or friends, I just as well couldn't have posters on the wall or stickers on my notebooks with pictures of all the hot teen idols. So, I used to keep a secret notebook where I would write the names of boys I thought were hot. Sometimes I would write love letters to them. Sometimes, if it was a boy in school with me, I would write anonymous love notes and then make plans to slip the note into their lockers. I never did, though.
"That doesn't sound geeky to me, Josh. That sounds pretty normal."
"Dunno, I guess," he said.
"Tell me about what you want to do when you are older, Josh," I said. "What is it you want to do with your life?"
"I know the time is coming up fast when I have to decide, but I just can't think of anything. I did a careers map thing on a website at school. Everyone around me got something good, but mine said I was best suited for the army, which is well not accurate for me."
I looked at Josh and thought for a second. He was slender but not thin, had long-fingered hands that looked more suited for playing the piano than holding a weapon, and of course he was full of life and had original thoughts. The army was definitely not accurate for him.
Continuing, Josh then said, "But I suppose I would get to see a lot of cocks."
I laughed out loud at that pronouncement. "Yes, I suppose you would, but so does a urologist, and they make big money doing it, too."
I began to notice a bit of a chill in the air. Though Josh was not feeling the cool evening air, I definitely was. I wasn't used to the damp English air, and it was beginning to make me a bit uncomfortable. I suggested we get ourselves into a restaurant for something to eat and drink. Josh recommended a Chinese place he and his family frequented. So, within a short amount of time, we found ourselves ensconced in a red leather booth and eating pork and pineapple fried rice, eggrolls, Kung Pao Chicken, and Sweet and Sour Pork.
While we were eating, Josh laid his iPod on the table and hit "play" to drown out the horrid flute music coming out of the ceiling speakers. I could hear a song begin that I didn't recognize but was really quite nice. Josh saw my frown and said, "This is one of my favorite songs." Seeing a blank look on my face, he said, "That's the song Changes by Gareth Gates. It's one of my latest downloads."
I just nodded. I wasn't familiar with Gareth Gates, but I was willing to bet he was good looking if Josh could rattle off his name so quickly.
Once the majority of the food had been eaten and we were just sipping our drinks, we continued to talk about his plans for the future.
"Like I said, I'm not really sure what I want to do. My only plan for the future is to move out of the house as soon as possible to get a bit of freedom, you know? I think it would be well good living with some friends and getting to do whatever we want. As for a career, I really have no idea what I want to do, but I'm sure that no matter what I choose, it will disappoint my dad."
I could hear the sadness in Josh's voice over the thought that no matter what he did, he would never live up to his dad's expectations. I, of course, knew this wasn't true, and that this was a common fear amongst young men, the thought that they would never be able to make their fathers proud. And I could see that in Josh quite plainly.
He didn't want his dad to know he was gay because he was afraid it would bring his dad disappointment. He hesitated to choose a career because he was afraid it would bring his dad disappointment. The truth was that Josh needed to live his own life in a way that was fulfilling for him, not in a way that would make others happy. When you live your life for others, there never seems to be enough time to do things for yourself. But I didn't dare tell him that.
The last time I interfered with a young man's choices was the time I counseled Narcissus to worry more about himself. "Stop worrying about what other people think, Narcissus," I told him. "Stop putting other people first and start loving yourself." Well, needless to say, that didn't end well, and I took the blame from Mount Olympus. Since then, I have refused to interfere in the lives of others and, so, chose to keep my opinions to myself. But I did not fear for Josh. He was obviously a smart kid. He'll figure it out.
Before I took my leave of this very pleasant and friendly young man, I asked Josh, "So, if there was any advice you would give to others that you have learned along the way, what would you say?"
Josh thought for a moment and answered, "Buy a Mac, not a PC, eat your greens, wash your doodle every day just in case today is the day, never tell anyone your passwords, and be nice to people because it makes you feel good."
I nodded at him and smiled.
Words of wisdom indeed.
A huge Thank You to Josh, author of the popular blog Always Hard for taking the time to talk to me and for suggesting a most excellent Chinese restaurant. I owe you a favor, buddy!
